The lack of body hair representation in the media is hugely problematic for women and body hair. Since hitting puberty I’ve been raining in it! To my horror, coarse hair sprouted out of my nipples, fingers and bum crack.
I remember feeling like a complete freak show; my summers were spent in long-sleeved jumpers or awkwardly covering my arms in pictures. Sadly, the idea of feeling ‘clean’ could only be achieved through compulsively waxing my entire body. My frustrations only grew when my doctor gave me the all clear, “this can’t be genetics! I’m a girl?!”
So, at the tender age of 18, I started laser hair removal. The scorning faces of the aunties at the eyebrow shop convinced me that this was the only way to achieve silky skin. The journey to remove my body hair was painful; being young and impressionable I agreed to use a laser machine dangerous to my skin tone. Spreading my vagina lips open to a woman who did not speak a word of English deserves a medal for both chivalry and stupidity!
The war between women and body hair
I would obsess with my body in the mirror for hours thinking of all the treatments I needed to buy and freaking out at any sign of incoming hair growth. For me, whether armpit hair, public hair or leg hair, hair was dirty and unnatural. It felt like unwanted weeds infesting my body. I still remember the first time I met my then-boyfriend, I stared at his arms only to blurt out “damn, you’re so smooth!”. I was met with an awkward silence, as well as the mortified image of a man choking on my nipple hairs.
Nonetheless, I could name every method I tried and boy oh boy, did I have a list! From drinking spearmint tea to using Nair hair removal creams that reeked of rotten eggs, I was constantly testing out new methods. It was so bad I would avoid all fluorescent lighting so I wouldn’t be grossed out at by the sight of my own face.
Unfortunately, these were all signs of body dysmorphia. The idea of friends and families saying, “I can’t see anything, just shave!”, was a belittling attempt to overlook what body dysmorphia was actually doing to me.
I strongly believe the way you’re alienated for something out of your control, especially at a young age, dictates the negative messages you send to yourself. For me, being made to feel dirty for being hairy meant a compulsion to remove it in order to feel clean. The cycle was vicious and never-ending.
Social pressures and the desire to feel sexy
However, what I really needed to ask myself was how much the media was reinforcing these beauty standards. The hours spent on Instagram following celebrities who had airbrushed skin or watching YouTube tutorials that showed people waxing hairless bodies all amplified my insecurities. Of course, I knew better but practising self-sabotage always seems an easier route then practising self-acceptance.
I can only see why my relationship with my body was so distorted and still is. We are bombarded with images on a daily basis and have easy access to procedures that normalise the needs for change. I honestly believe self- acceptance won’t happen overnight; it still hasn’t happened for me. But when you find yourself consumed in self-hate, you have to remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way. That at some point in your journey, some person or experience sent you the message that there was something wrong with you.
Although there is nothing wrong in giving into these procedures (I say this as I book another laser session but this time with a certificated company!) we must remember there are other sides to us that are still deserving of love and acceptance, even if we feel far from perfect in a society that isn’t forgiving towards imperfect women.
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Written by Saheera Ausaluth
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
