Raise a hand if you’ve ever received a text from your ex. It doesn’t matter if you were single, was seeing someone or in a new relationship. I’ve been single for nine years but can still raise my hand multiple times.
Just think for a second about how long it took for you to erase your ex from your life, how difficult it was to put together your broken heart and how hard you had to work to gain your self-esteem back. Then here they come. One text, one message, one slide into your DMs and you’re reliving those memories all over again.
But why do they do this? From research, asking friends and my own personal experience, here are five reasons as to why your ex comes back.
1. He’s bored
Due to the recent pandemic, lockdown and no contact rule, many of us are stuck inside with nowhere to go and for some people, a.k.a. your ex, no means of entertainment. They’ll see your number or come across your profile on social media and think “let me try my luck today”. Ladies, don’t fall for it!
2. He’s lonely
This is quite similar to the point above but a little more self-loathing on his part. No one’s really checking for your ex, and if someone is, they don’t really excite him. In an attempt to fill his void, he’ll send you a “wyd” or “I miss you” text. But don’t give in, especially if he was the party largely at fault for your breakup. Nostalgia is cute but if you guys were meant to be, would you be in the situation you’re currently in now?
3. He’s thirsty
Some of us have all, at least once, got caught up by the fact that our ex came running back. And although we knew he wasn’t good for us we did reminisce on the sex. My suggestion would be to snap right out of it because those few minutes of pleasure will not be worth it in the long run – trust me! If your split was quite fresh, we recommend these best ways to get over a breakup
4. He needs to feed his ego
I won’t lie, we all need an ego boost from time to time. But it hits different when the person you once cared about is using you to get his game back on track. A message from him definitely calls for no response because you’ve straight up deleted it! Put your phone to the side, take a deep breathe and remember you are not to feel guilty. You’re not his therapist or self-help book. You’re very much a living, breathing person with your own feelings.
5. He had or is in another relationship
I’d like to split this into two possible scenarios.
Scenario one: He got into a new relationship with someone, treated them exactly the same way as you and when it ended, he realised how it must have been for you to go through what he is currently going through right now – boo hoo.
Scenario two: Again, he’s still in a new relationship but isn’t happy with his current partner so thinks back to the times when you were better, hotter or whatever thing he will come up with. It might be flattering at first, but you guys aren’t together, he’s with someone else and you’re better than this. He’s none of your business anymore and guess what girl? You’re doing just fine!
It’s possible that an ex could have come back into your life and things worked out. The points above are really about exs who we know aren’t good for us. The important thing is for your to realise your self-worth, work on your self-esteem and get yourself on a level that when someone unfit does try to come back, you won’t be so quick to consider another toxic situation.
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Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
