As we get older society tells us that it’s harder to make new friends.
After telling my friend Nic about a new group of friends that I’d made in the summer, she jokingly asked how it was possible.
‘How do you make friends at our age? Teach me!’
Although Nic is pretty social, she’s among many of us 20 somethings who have seen our former friendship groups dwindle and now find it harder to make new genuine relationships.
When I entered my adulting years I was also under this impression. I was no longer in education where I’d formed the majority of my friendships, or had as much free time to do the things I liked and meet like-minded people. Instead I was thrown into the world of work where I was surrounded by people I could not relate to.
However, I soon came to find out that although we feel the immense pressure of sorting out our lives, and there can be constraints towards making authentic friendships in your 20s, it’s hardly impossible. So whether you lack solid friendships or just want new friends for new experiences, here are a some things to consider.
Keep up with old friends
Although this point may seem counter-intuitive, in order to have friendships you need to maintain them. So, what better way to do this than to keep up with the friends you already have.
With everyone on different walks, paths and schedules it can seem a little hard but if you put the intention out there, anything is possible. You’re not expected to be joined at the hip with your companions but when you can, send them a text, check up on their social media and arrange to meet up.
The sames goes for loose connections. Most of us have had great friendships that have fizzled out through no fault of anyone. If you think there’s still a chance, give it your all and reignite these relationships. You never what lies at the end of the tunnel.
Your friends’ friends are your friends
In the past, I used to feel hesitant about introducing my different friendship groups to one another. As not all my friends knew each other, I was afraid that not everyone would get along. When I finally took the plunge and overcame this, I realised that I had nothing to worry about. Whether it was a birthday, event or random outing, these different groups got on like a house on fire, with some even forming new friendships between themselves. (This has also been the case when I’ve met my friends’ friends!)
There’s a reason why you form a bond with a particular person or group. For the most part you’re similar in some way and you’ll be surprised to see pieces of you emerge in your friends’ companions.
So make opportunities for your different friendship groups to hang out and always take full advantage of meeting your friends’ pals. You never know what new bonds can form.
Put yourself out there
Once you’re no longer obliged to be in a room full of people your age, it’s more difficult to socialise.
Sociologists say that there are three points we need to meet in order to make friends: closeness, repeated unplanned interactions, and an environment that allows people to let their guard down. This explains why life-long friends are often made in schools and universities.
So, to curb this you need to make the time to put yourself out there to establish new friendships. Are you interested in an event but haven’t got anyone to go with? Go alone! You’re bound to end up talking to someone new than if you were to go with a pal. Take up a new social hobby, sign up to apps like Bumble for mates or make an effort at work.
This year is a great year to better yourself. So, whether it’s creating time in your free time, or working with what you’ve got, take the plunge!
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Written by Annette Christian
Illustrations by Francesca Mariama
