Sometimes in life, when we feel sad and melancholic, we wish we had someone on our side to cheer us up and make us feel better. I’m sure you’ve been in this position at least once to agree. We all wish for that person who will understand us, say that it’s not so bad and make things feel less painful. Metaphorically, if you sit on a broken bench, that person would sit on the opposite side to prop you up and balance you out.
I’m lucky enough to have a friend, one that accepts and loves me, always. But it hasn’t been easy. Our relationship grew with time and we had to go through complicated stages. But I guess that’s what makes a friendship special.
The friend I didn’t know I needed
We have known each other for a very long time. As far as I can remember, she was always there following my same path as if the stars were aligned for us to meet. We met and… I hated her. I attributed her to an endless list of flaws. She was boring, selfish, stupid, and to be honest, I didn’t find her pretty. Looking back, I laugh knowing how wrong I was and regret not being friends earlier. But I believe our story plays an important role and maybe I wasn’t ready to let her sit on my bench just yet.
Time passed and she was still around. I came to understand that she was always going to be about so although I disliked her, I decided to open up and try to get to know her. Even though I was horrible to her for years, I was surprised she was always so nice to me and the more time I spent with her, the more I enjoyed her company. I discovered someone that’s kind, understanding and honest. She even forgave me for depreciating her in the past.
It took some time and trust for me to realise that I had found it. The friend that I didn’t know I needed. Ironically, the one that I spent all those years avoiding when looking for someone to value me. She helps me when I’m low and always reminds me of my worth when I doubt it. She’s very protective and always gives me the best advice because she wants the best for me. She’s also honest and won’t hesitate to tell me when I’m wrong while convincing me not to blame myself for it. I believe she knows me better than I know myself and I’m trying every day to be the person she sees in me.
A love rooted in something deeper
All relationships have ups and downs, and my friend and I are no exception. I sometimes find it difficult to believe what she says. I doubt when she supports me and discredit her words on the days I don’t think I deserve them. I sometimes find it hard to see the version she sees of me and suspect she exaggerates my worth to make me feel better. But is that not what a friend is supposed to do?
So I choose to believe her, I trust her and even if I doubt myself, I know that deep down she’s right because she’s that type of friend. Sincere, caring and always there to stand up for me. I consider this type of friendship the purest anyone can have because it’s rooted in a genuine love: self-love.
No one will be capable of matching my expectations
Some time ago, while continually looking for someone to understand, reassure and love me perfectly, I came to a bitter conclusion. It hasn’t and would probably never happen. No one will be capable of matching my expectations. In the past, some people have been close but never enough to spare me frustration. So after processing the heartbreaking news, I thought about it and realised it was unfair to put so much pressure on someone’s shoulders. We cannot pressure people to make us happy and it’s not fair on them, and even more on ourselves, to wait for someone to make us feel ‘worthy’.
Instead, I decided to give a chance to the one I had always neglected; I found in myself the friend I was waiting for. It might be the most complex relationship to work on but knowing that you can trust, support and accept yourself as a whole is one of the best feelings. I know and care for myself and will never settle for less than I deserve.
I’m trying not to judge or blame myself for my actions. Instead, I understand and reassure myself that everything is and will be ok. I care as I would care for a friend. We all have the resources to be kind to ourselves to have the most healthy and fulfilling relationship. So you need to remember to treat yourself as a good friend and to love yourself the same way you love them. Unconditionally.
The broken bench metaphor isn’t working anymore but we don’t need someone else to bring us up. We can just stand up by ourselves.
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Written by Coralie Rossi
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
