Adventure often begins with a change in your usual routine. Adventure starts where the comfort zone ends. I learned the importance of being independent and finding resilience to cope in unprecedented circumstances. It is not easy and of course, the ‘one-size-fits-all’ policy does not apply, but I now know how to be on my own and, even more surprisingly, can enjoy it.
Finding resilience in the face of unprecedented challenges
Recently, I have returned to what I dreamed would be an incredible first experience snowboarding in France. During the weeks leading up to the holiday, I fantasised about the crisp snow, adrenaline rushes and mountain views. And yes, this all came true; however, what I wasn’t expecting was the abrupt end. Instead of learning how to perform a nose grab, an ollie or other tricks on the mountain, I learned the importance of finding resilience in the face of unprecedented challenges – something we know all too well.
On the first day, my eyes were a loaded polaroid full of mental snapshots from all the beautiful scenery I found myself in. I thought about how I couldn’t wait to get back on the ski lift for day two. But when day two came around, I took a nasty fall which led to an injury. The snowboard instructor advised me to take the afternoon to rest, reset, and re-join for day three. Sadly, I didn’t return to the slopes thereafter and I came to realise that I had to reimagine my trip and optimise my time on my own.
I was no longer able to participate in the activity I travelled abroad to learn and enjoy. My plans were completely destabilised and I felt lost. Not only did I feel debilitated from my injury, but I was also immediately isolated from my friends and surrounded by strangers. Luckily for me, the hostel where I stayed had a lot of English-speaking guests; however, everyone there was out on the mountains and if you weren’t skiing or snowboarding, there was not much else to do. I had to keep myself entertained, healthy and sane in my own company for days on end. What I anticipated learning on this trip was how to snowboard. I did achieve this, to a very basic level. What I did not expect to achieve was finding resilience and more importantly, how to exercise it. I needed me – I had to come through for myself but we all know how hard it can be to stay positive.
It is not about being alone that frightens people but being seen as alone
This took the form of developing my personal skills to adapt to the environment around me. I wanted to be able to go to a cafe, sit with a coffee and not rely on an alternative stimulus to feel comfortable being seen on my own. This, I feel, is the crux of the matter: it is not about being alone that frightens people, but being seen as alone, since this brings negative connotations of loneliness (which is a very different experience). There is no harm in bringing something for support, whether it is a book, headphones or calling a friend, but I challenge you to take time in that moment of your own company to just sit. Be. Maybe ‘people watch’. Think about something that makes you happy or even strike up a conversation with the person next to you who is also on their own.
Often you will find others are also anxious to talk to strangers, so try to be that person who makes the first move if you recognise someone who may be feeling a similar way to you. One skill that I had a small grasp of that was really helpful to me, was a beginner’s understanding of French. On the journey there, I depended upon the English translations on signs at the airport – by the end of the week, I was ordering food, asking for directions and making purchases in the language. This enabled me to be more confident and shake off that mind-forged feeling of isolation and taught me how to find resilience within myself and how to immediately apply it since being comfortable in my own company was crucial for me to enjoy what I could of the trip.
Being alone does not always mean you are lonely
There comes unexpected freedom with being comfortable in your own company and finding resilience. It can be surprisingly difficult to stay content when you are alone; but it is crucial to remember that being alone does not always mean you are lonely. Curbing the feeling of loneliness or mitigating this by broadening my horizons and speaking to people became my superpower. Like many people, I find it easy to get bogged down with over-thinking, and this is usually only possible when I am left to my own devices; therefore, reaching the balance between independence and a want for social interaction is crucial to finding resilience. You never want to be solely dependent on others to make you happy, or to distract you from feelings and problems that ought to be dealt with. On the flip side, do not allow your supreme independence to shut others out. Everyone has different quota levels for engaging with people in a social setting, which is not often fixed, so always make allowances for yourself and for others.
What I now appreciate about adventure, is that spontaneity can not always go the way you hoped for, but lessons will always be learned and all lessons are invaluable to growth. My adventure as a snowboarder was sadly shortened, but my personal adventure was founded on finding resilience and making this work for my lifestyle. I have since moved to London on my own, and I have already noticed how I exercise these skills I learned by exploring the city, visiting museums and going shopping on my own. Company is always welcome, but I am no longer afraid to spend time with myself. The circumstances I came to adopt this skill were hard, but like any challenge, I am all the better for it and won’t look back.
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Written by Rachel Boyer
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
Loved this line: “ it is not about being alone that frightens people, but being seen as alone”