“Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary.”
I’ve always considered myself as someone who constantly pours into others. A woman who can be there for anyone and everyone at any moment. I desired to be that person that could always be counted on for mental and emotional support. However, I came to realise that consistently doing so has its limits.
Letting people down was my greatest fear, a fear that caused me to be unaware of the amount of time, effort and energy I gave to other people. When I learnt that I needed to set personal boundaries for my own sake, I was rewarded with a new sense of stability, freedom and joy.
Some people fear being labelled selfish when faced with the idea of setting boundaries in their relationships. Rather than implementing healthy boundaries that can lead to better relationships, they remain in dysfunctional environments.
Others feel guilty at the thought of not letting certain people have as much access and persuade themselves that strong boundaries aren’t necessary. Trust me, I get it. But not putting a stop to unhealthy boundaries will only drain you.
Whether it’s a toxic friendship, romantic relationship, or even a family member, I have learnt that boundaries, whether temporary or permanent, rigid or flexible, have to be established. With these few suggestions, setting and maintaining good boundaries can start somewhere.
Make self-care a priority
Just as self-care improves productivity, self-care can also improve your relationships. When you spend time alone, you’re giving yourself the space to create healthy physical and emotional boundaries without the influence of others.
Be direct
Being direct about your limits is an important part of turning toxic relationships into healthy relationships. When communicating your new boundaries, you must be open and honest about what you want. If you’re straightforward, people will have no choice but to respect it.
Assert, assert, assert!
Stating and demanding your expectations can put a stop to issues in your relationships. Identify your wants and needs, express them positively and learn to say ‘no’ when you need to. If you’re not naturally assertive, it won’t happen overnight, but put yourself in the right mind-frame that you deserve to get what you want. You’ll slowly but surely build up your confidence.
A lot of us put other people’s needs and feelings before our own but placing yourself first and setting a standard can be one of the most beneficial choices you can make. Learning how to set healthy boundaries now can save a lot of stress and breakdowns in relationships later. Initiating boundaries in a difficult environment can be hard and almost feel impossible, however, it is necessary and achievable.
Name your limits and set those boundaries.
Setting boundaries with friends
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Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
