I’m back, bitches.
After spending all of 2021 with you and having you motivate me to write each month, I’m so grateful to return. This year, for 2022, since it has the audacity to have far too many two’s in its name, I figured it was practically begging me for a new series: 20 things I wish I’d know in my early 20s.
And to make it, even more, me, I thought I’d use my idol, Miss Swift, as my inspiration for the lessons. If you’ve not already read her 30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30 piece in Elle, do yourself a favor and give it a skim.
Now, I’m currently 27, going to be turning 28 in June. And I thought it would be pretty damn interesting to reflect on the chaotic, humorful and genuine early years of this decade. The one everyone claims are overhyped and overrated, but only once they themselves have left it behind.
And just because my home is slowly becoming a dupe of The Home Edit, meaning anything and everything that can be organized by color is, doesn’t mean I am enough of a planner to start this series in any sort of order. So, we shall begin this month’s entry with Taylor’s 20th tip for 2022, of course.
Learning the difference between lifelong friendships and situationships.
At the beginning of the pandemic, my two best friends ghosted me. It came out of nowhere. I woke up one morning in April and they’d deleted me from their social media and never spoke to me again. I was on the floor, struggling to breathe, heartbroken.
I’d not yet learned this very lesson that Taylor herself also became familiar with. I was still quite comfortable with my anxious attachment and dead mom issues. Meaning, I had a very hard time accepting endings of any sort. Especially one’s that came on suddenly and deliver no closure.
My early twenties were filled with discovering friends I thought were more like soul sisters and turned out to be quite the opposite.
There are three categories people can fit into. Those who you meet for a reason, season or lifetime.
I fought long and hard with this truth. It also took me even more time to accept that most people are only in our world for a season. But in learning this, I’ve come to appreciate those that fall into the lifetime bracket. Those individuals are the ones I turn to now to celebrate the wins and mourn the losses. They’ve proven that no matter what hits the fan, they’ll be by my side. And vice versa.
If you are still reeling from the loss of a friendship and wondering if there was anything you could have done differently, trust me when I say, given a little time, you won’t miss them nearly as much as you thought you would.
When I first moved off to college, my best friend Carol broke up with me for reasons I don’t quite remember but believe fell into the “you’re too much work” category. I lost every single friend in college except for my one true emotional soulmate, shout out to Miss Fallon.
The co-workers I believed were more like sisters left me in the dust. My go-to friend, Sarah, broke up with me in an e-mail. And while this is not confirmed, I think it stemmed from her hooking up with my ex and feeling guilty about it.
Then, it was the two besties I introduced above. All these losses happened in five years or less. All before I hit my late twenties. Here’s the thing, I don’t really care if someone walks towards the door these days. Sure, it’s not on the top of my preferred activity list, losing people. However, if all the loss listed above—and those are truly only the highlights—hasn’t knocked me down yet, then I’ve got what it takes to handle a few more goodbyes.
Besides, I’m no longer upset at those people. Now that I’ve let time do its thing; I can appreciate all the good memories we cultivated. It’s less about their absence now. I’m grateful I had them in my world when I did. And I feel so blessed that they are no longer here.
Anyone missing from your emotional support dinner table doesn’t deserve you in your best moments. At least, that’s what I believe.
And sure, at the time, with each and every person who has since headed for the exit, I believed they were forever. But if everything lasted forever, we’d stop appreciating it. I know I would. Like roller coasters and really good sunsets. They need to end at some point so we can make it a point to experience them again.
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Written by Tori Muzyk
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
