Feminism has made remarkable progress in the last 10 years. More and more women are speaking out about their experiences of everyday sexism and their voices are being heard louder than ever before. But there’s one fundamental issue that still needs addressing: we need to ensure that women are supporting each other rather than tearing one another down.
We’ve all experienced it: a snide remark, a nasty rumour, an hour-long gossiping session. But what is it that fuels this desire to put other women down all the time? Why is it that we can’t simply accept other women’s achievements without feeling the need to compete?
Maybe it’s because, as women, we feel a greater need to prove ourselves. Maybe it’s a behaviour that’s so deep-rooted that we’ve never thought to question it. If we see this ‘mean girl’ narrative crop up so often in our everyday lives, why would we think to question it? Sometimes, it’s one hell of a lot easier to comply with a stereotype than it is to fight it.
Whatever the reason, it’s time we put an end to it. We need to become a nation of women supporting each other, instead of knocking one another down. We need to realise that the only way we can support the sisterhood and fight the patriarchy is through empowering one another.
Here are six everyday ways of women supporting each other.
1. Quit gossiping
We’ve all been there: you’re out having drinks with your girlfriends and someone’s name is mentioned. Suddenly, you’ve lost hours to bad-mouthing that person and none of you feel any better for it. Often, what starts off as innocent chatter between friends can turn into something a lot nastier and more compulsive. The next time you begin to gossip about someone, stop yourself. Remind yourself that bad-mouthing another woman won’t solve anything and will only create more negativity in the long-run. Get into the habit of being open and honest. Ask yourself. “would I benefit from confronting this woman about what she’s done to bother me?” If the answer is no, that’s your cue to move on.
2. Compliment other women’s successes
As women, we grow up believing that we are valued more for our appearances than for anything else. It may take a while before we live in a society in which women are no longer objectified, but we can begin to make a difference with the way we talk to one another. Rather than complimenting a woman on her outfit or her new haircut, try focusing on something other than her appearance. Congratulate your colleague on her promotion or let your friend know what you admire about her. We need to start recognising successful women for more than just their looks.
3. Stand up for other women in the face of inequality
We’ve all witnessed everyday sexism in some way, shape or form. But often, when it doesn’t affect us directly, we feel like it’s not our place to step in. The truth is, if there’s anyone who should be standing up for women, it’s other women. The next time you hear a sexist remark or see a woman getting cat-called in the street, remember that you are not powerless. The more we start joining forces and standing up for gender equality, the more these men will realise that this behaviour isn’t as innocent as it once seemed.
4. Replace judgement with curiosity
It’s easy to pass judgement when we don’t understand something. It might be hard for us to see why a friend enjoys spending time on her own. We may not fully understand a woman’s decision to not get married or have children. But, while judging another woman may give you a temporary ego-boost, in the long run it will only leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth. Instead of shunning other women for their choices, remind yourself that all women are different and that you can learn something new from everyone who crosses your path. See these differences not as a reason to judge, but as an excuse to learn and grow.
5. Choose your circle wisely
Sometimes, women supporting each other isn’t possible without a bit of self-care. Recognise that you deserve to be surrounded by women who empower you, inspire you and encourage you to grow. Put energy into nurturing those friendships and opt out at any time toxicity from your life: the ‘friends’ that take advantage of your kindness, the women who bad-mouth you behind your back. Don’t feel guilty for being picky about who you keep around you – personalities have a huge impact on your own thoughts and actions.
6. Be content in your own skin
We live in a world of social media, where we are constantly exposed to the lives of others: our friends, our work colleagues, celebrities we may or may not admire. It’s only natural that we’ll get caught up in the habit of comparison. But comparison is a dangerous game – it breeds jealousy, which in turn breeds judgement. What we often forget is that every woman is on a completely different journey in life. The less we compare ourselves to others and the more we start focusing on our own goals and achievements, the more comfortable we will feel in our own skin. And the more content we are with ourselves, the easier it will become to support, encourage and be happy for the women around us.
Written by Hannah Hussein
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
