As women, self-care is vital when you’re committed to another human being, but this doesn’t just extend to solo pamper days or a coffee date with your bestie. Self-pleasure is an act that also allows you to take care of yourself. So, why is the topic such an awkward conversation between couples, and how far can it be taken without being accused of cheating?
With 33% of British women not participating in self-pleasure, it’s no wonder women’s satisfaction is silenced. 91% of men admit to it, which is no surprise as society considers it ‘normal’. Can women’s satisfaction ever be accepted on the same level as men’s?
The stigma around self-pleasure
Research surrounding female pleasure shows that only 14% of Brits believe society accepts female masturbation. And with the masturbation gap between men and women at 76%, it leaves us questioning why women’s pleasure is deemed taboo and almost ‘dirty’ against men’s.
Put stigma aside, there are many health benefits surrounding self-pleasure, according to experts, and it’s not just the tingling feeling. From releasing stress to sleeping better, self-satisfaction can fulfil women to the max.
1. Stress relief
Masturbation can take you away from your thoughts, concerns and worries. The shift in focus can put stress in the back of your mind. Temporary or not – it helps.
2. Better sleep
The relaxation encountered during masturbation can aid in calming the muscles in your body, making it easier to fall asleep.
2. Improves intimacy
Contrary to belief, masturbation can improve your relationship. It can have a positive impact on the intimate connection between you and your partner as it allows you to explore and learn what you like. Which in turn, improves the quality and experience between you and your loved one.
Trust in your relationship determines the outcome of self-pleasure
However, with pleasure comes pornography and being in a relationship; pornography can cause many issues. Not all couples face the same issues regarding self-pleasure. But, with many opposing opinions and beliefs surrounding whether pornography is a matter of cheating, it all comes down to the trust you have in your partner.
Speaking on the subject with two anonymous women in long-term relationships, being “honest and open” with one another equals no issues. However, they believe “it’s only when you start to substitute porn for sex, or you hide from your partner how much porn you watch that you cross the bounds of cheating.”
“If you hide it, it raises the question of why do you feel the need to hide that and if you hide that then what else could you be hiding?”
Anonymous
“I don’t think it counts as cheating as long as there is communication about its boundaries within the relationship. But it may not be suited to every situation, for example a partner may feel uncomfortable/vulnerable or that they are not able to successfully sexually satisfy their partner.”
Anonymous
However, on the other end of the spectrum, some say pornography “isn’t actually real” but it can be seen as “disrespectful regardless” even if it’s not cheating. The taboo subject leaves people with combatant ideals.
With further statistics highlighting that men indulge 154 times a year compared to women at only 49 annually, having constant transparent conversations about self-pleasure and boundaries enables trust and respect within your relationship.
The influence on pornography in relationships
Regardless of how much trust there is in your relationship, pornography can cause issues for anyone. Even though a 2013 study found that 71% of men and 56% of women believe it is acceptable to watch pornography whilst in a relationship, it can still be detrimental to you and your partner.
As much as the viewing may be harmless, self-satisfaction can majorly impact relationships. Research conducted highlights that indulging in the activity is linked to lower relationship satisfaction, as well as enduring less intimacy and commitment between couples. In a more recent study undertaken in 2018, the potential of divorce was on the cards for those indulging in self-pleasure, with an 11% divorce rate for couples who view the explicit content against the 6% who didn’t.
It’s safe to say that it does come down to a couple of things: what you tell your partner and how much. Certain boundaries need to be in place for a happy, long-lasting relationship. However, as individuals, people have certain needs, and nothing should not be taken personally. To dictate your partner’s self-satisfaction could also affect your own relationship. Therefore, to be on the same page, understanding and honesty need to be met.
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Written by Charlotte Ashley
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
