I didn’t decide to embark on this romance-free year so that I would find my perfect human at the twelve-month finish line. In fact, in just three months, I’ve had a guy in a relationship come on to me, a human on the rebound seek out sex, and a decently nice person try and get to know me. But I was committing time to people I wasn’t interested in and that’s why I took this step back from romance. That, and I was playing into all of the insecurities I’ve worked to combat in therapy.
Then, while sitting in an incredibly racist, transphobic, fatphobic, biased training, I got THE email.
You know the one. The email we dream about. Congratulations, you’ve been accepted. Congratulations, you are or are not pregnant, depending on what constitutes good news for you. Congratulations, we’d like to offer you the job you’ve been dreaming about since you were thirteen, crying in your bedroom, wondering if it does ever really get better.
I got my dream job
Aside from my overwhelming excitement, I saw my Instagram feed, much like my brain, become filled with interior décor designs and DIY projects, rather than relationship-based posts. Of course, a part of me thought, “well obviously this is why I haven’t had success in dating, the universe knew I was moving.” So, therefore, logically, my human must be in the new state I am about to call home. Except, it doesn’t matter much either way because I am not currently dating.
I’ve never been all that good at sticking to goals. I’m the queen of signing up for a membership and promptly forgetting about it and therefore never using it. As a kid, I quit every sport and after-school activity I tried. But this has never been about going the whole twelve months romance-free. What would that actually get me? A year of white-knuckling my desires while the cute person with the gorgeous tattoos walks by me in the grocery store?
This is and has always been about me learning to love being alone. Remembering how drastically I do not need a relationship
I wrote down this quote a few years ago, when I originally tried to tackle this romance-free year. “I’ve been thinking that the time we have to be single, is really the time we have to get good at being alone.” It, much like all great quotes, came from a RomCom.
Through sweat and tears, I’ve developed some amazing relationships with badass humans. I have more friends to text a day than I know what to do with. Each week, one of my closest gal-pals and I jump on the phone and chat for well over an hour. The queens who run YES GURL sent me the sweetest postcard in the mail and I nearly cried. That in itself is a plethora of relationships, even if they aren’t romantic in nature.
As I write this, Valentine’s Day just passed. I’m not someone who has ever placed weight on this day, but I do respect that it can be emotionally charged for some. I just can’t help but think how lucky we are to be spending genuine alone time with ourselves. And it’s time that we’re not rushing to shift into the attention that a partnership requires.
I have everything I need
Maybe I move across the country for this new job and find my perfect human. Maybe I don’t. I’m not sure I’m in the business of caring all that much either way. I take me everywhere I go. It’s cheesy and overused, I know. But it’s also true. The version of myself I’ve spent the last three months with, single as all hell, is exciting and impressing me. I’ve said no to so many humans who’ve seemingly put themselves on a platter for me. Granted, that platter was mostly made up of red flags. But still, I said no.
I’ve also to quote Miss Swift: “Been saying yes instead of no.” I said yes to this job. Yes to moving to a brand-new state. I’ve continued to say yes to this romance-free year. To make things even more celebratory, I’ve begun tackling one of my deepest insecurities, my fear of abandonment. More on that next month.
For now, remember that you have everything you need, whether you’re single or not. You should be in awe of the power you hold because you truly are miraculous. Take a second to remember that you are in control of indicating what you are interested in. Meaning, if it isn’t a 100% fuck yes, then it probably isn’t worth it dear.
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Written by Tori Muzyk
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
