Friendships are like romantic relationships in the sense that both need a healthy balance to maintain happiness for both parties. Communication and respect should be the pillars of a strong bond between two people. We’ve all heard about warning signs to watch out for in relationships, but what about red flags in friendships? Of course, no friendship is perfect but if you relate to most of these red flags it might be time to reevaluate your friendship.
1. They make jokes about you – but it’s mostly about your insecurities
A lot of the time, there is no limit to what true friends can talk about. This includes parts of ourselves that we’re self-conscious about. A good friend should be able to support you through your insecurities and sympathise with you. Of course, light-hearted banter can be healthy in a friendship but if someone chooses to continuously poke fun at something they know you’re insecure about, they are being spiteful and it might be worth pulling them up on it as this is one of the biggest red flags in friendships.
2. They constantly have a negative mindset
Venting to your friends is normal. We’ve all got stuff we need to get off our chest and it’s helpful to have a supportive friend to talk to. But if someone is constantly focusing on the bad they can become draining to be around. Try and support them by voicing your concern. You can even change the subject to take their mind off it or help them find the positives in a situation they’re dealing with. Just don’t let their negative mindset rub off on you!
3. They’re always gossiping about others
One of the most important friendship red flags to look out for is a ‘friend’ who seems way too invested in other people’s lives. That friend who is constantly gossiping about other people is most likely telling others about details of your life too. Watch out for if they always seem to be playing 20 questions with you. If they seem a little too interested in what’s going on then you might want to keep your cards closer to your chest.
4. They bring up your mistakes to make them look better
We’ve all done silly things in the past and it’s normal for friends to tease us a little. But if you’re friend won’t let go of mistakes you’ve made and somehow always end up dragging up your faults, this could be a sign of a toxic friendship. People who feel the need to humiliate others are often insecure and try to find a way to make themselves feel better. If you’re always coming away from brunch or a night out with your girls, feeling hurt or personally attacked, this isn’t healthy and you deserve better.
5. They often leave you out of plans or ‘forget’ to invite you
While social media has plenty of positives, the big negative is that it gives us a window into other people’s lives. Seeing others living their ‘best life’ can make you feel a bit deflated. What’s worse is when you get this feeling from being left out of plans by your friends. Sometimes it’s just because they assumed you were busy or didn’t think a theme park or paintballing was your kind of thing. But if it feels like you’re being left out often it might be worth telling them how you feel. True friends keep you in the loop and want you there!
6. Everything’s a competition with them
There shouldn’t be any competition between you and your friends. If they always seem to be trying to one-up on you, it can get pretty tiresome. Sadly, comparison culture is rife in our generation so maybe it has just become natural for some. We must all try to stay level-headed and know that we’re all on different paths and that’s okay.
7. They’re dismissive of your dreams and achievements
True friends should be cheering you on when you pass your driving test, get your dream job or the keys to your first home. If they seem to be undermining your success, then it’s most likely out of jealousy and that is a sign of an unhealthy friendship.
Want to know some friendship green flags? Click here.
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Written by Eliza Allen
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
