The people that we choose to associate ourselves with inevitably shape who we become. This is a life lesson that my mother instilled in me and rings true every time I find myself in another social circle. After moving around, every friendship I find myself in brings along its own tests. These have put into perspective the importance of quality over quantity. Throughout the formative years of my life, I’ve had the opportunity to witness how friendships come and go. Within the contrast of having those who you hold close to your heart and the others who flit in an out, the multidimensionality of friendship is evident. Here are a few experiences that put that into perspective for me, and showed me the harsh reality that not everyone is your friend.
The dynamic duo
Still in the womb, little did I know I would meet my longest lasting friendship. Practically sisters, we entered the world automatically reaching best friends status. But as time goes on, life moves in different directions and the bff title becomes less of an overt declaration and more of a subconscious fact. It’s always an interesting dynamic when two people naturally gravitate towards each other because they inevitably become an extension of one another. During the childhood phase, it’s cute. But as we get older, does the dynamic duo have the possibility of becoming a toxic twosome?
With having a large number of friends, sometimes subsections form with two or three friends who stick together. But with the need to gravitate to best friendship, the loyalty between the few can lead to a questioning of how solid the whole group is. What innocently starts off as the only two being free for coffee can quickly turn into an unhealthy codependency that alienates the rest of the group. From inconsequential flakiness to exclusive outings, sometimes the tether to the bff mentality can be too strong. After experiencing this a couple of times, I’ve always wondered, what happens when the shoe is on the other foot?
Lost in the crowd
With the different faces of friendship in these large circles, it can be hard to identify your true friends. As holidays are making their way out of long-time group chats and into reality, social media is setting a standard. Tiktoks of friendship groups renting large-scale villas to house their sixteen nearest and dearest paints a picture of harmony between all. Whilst I have imagined doing the same myself, I can’t help but think how feasible could it be. Isn’t there a possibility of getting lost in the crowd? Constantly surrounded by people and navigating a range of personalities, conflicts are bound to occur at a higher rate. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that every friendship circle has its ups and downs, but with these clashes happening, maybe the solid sixteen is a bit shakier than what is initially perceived.
The company you keep
So with an acknowledgement of the different dynamics within friendship, there is a need to constantly reevaluate the company that you keep. The people that you choose to embark on your individual friendship journeys with are much more influential than initially thought. The conscious and subconscious impact that spending time with friends has on our personalities is substantial. The depths to which we let others infiltrate our personal spaces is not a straightforward process.
One thing I have learnt from childhood, high school and up until now, is that every friendship serves a purpose. Keeping this in mind, there is a need to vet those who you keep in your inner circle and those who should remain on the outskirts. Each circle holds its own value, but not everyone needs to be your best friend, and that is okay. The energy that you surround yourself with is critical. Whilst you can have a fulfilled night out with one friend, that doesn’t mean that they will always be in your corner, no matter how many “I love you” speeches you have in the club bathroom,
At the end of the day, friendships are still relationships. Complex and hard work, they require communication, loyalty and love. No matter how long the line runs, the bonds between friends require consistency in whichever form suits the individual relationships. From 23-year-long friendships to university sisterhoods, each is valuable in its own way.
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Written by Kianna Best
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
