I’m not shy when it comes to talking about sex. I will openly talk to my friends about what I like, what I don’t like, what I’ve tried and what I want to try. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve had one-night stands, and friends with benefits and enjoyed these dynamics. It’s allowed me to explore my sexuality and understand that to enjoy sex fully, I need to feel an emotional connection. I would never have worked this out without having fun and exploring my sexuality. But for women, admitting this can come (pun intended) with some heavy social baggage.
For women, the contradiction in what we should and shouldn’t do, in all aspects of life, but in particular our sexual lives, is utterly different to that of men. We are told to embrace our sexuality, but not too much. We should be able to explore different sexual avenues, but not too many. And when we do explore too many sexual partners, it’s met with criticism from society: it is a shameful act to sleep with too many people.
Firstly, how have we decided what ‘too many’ sexual partners are? Is it 10, 50 or over 100? Surely this is subjective anyway, so why does it matter so long as you are happy? Some men (thinking mainly of the Andrew Tate mentality) believe that once a woman has had sex, she is used goods. Frequently, the shame of being with too many sexual partners is based solely on the idea that women are objects for men to use. We are there to please them, emotionally and sexually, and nothing more.
Masturbation is incredibly important
Perhaps this is where the taboo nature of masturbation comes from. A woman can pleasure herself without the need for a man. Therefore, they try to shame us and make us feel dirty for doing these things to regain some kind of power. But masturbation is incredibly important. It strengthens a person’s understanding of what they like or don’t like without the pressure of another person there. You can explore your sexuality in a secure and safe environment.
Yet if this mentality does not change – one that exhibits female masturbation as a negative – and society does not expand to show that masturbation and exploration of sexuality are normal, women will continue to be viewed as objects for the sexual use of others, not sexual beings with an ability for sexual exploration of their own. Society tells us that we can be viewed as sexual objects, but we cannot feel sexual or confident without sexuality. The double standards are incredibly prevalent in society, with male and female sexual activities, and they don’t stop there.
Women are not allowed to express themselves in a sexual light
Increasingly, women are posting images of themselves online wearing clothing they feel comfortable in, whether that highlights their bodies or not. This online sphere creates a place for expression but also a place for unsolicited comments, often sexualising a woman’s body. Often women are ‘slut-shamed’ for wearing clothing that is considered revealing, with people saying they wear this clothing for views or likes, not because they feel confident. Or they get called a ‘prude’ if they want to wear baggy clothing.
Additionally, social media platforms, such as Instagram, have double standards that imply that a woman’s body is not something that should be displayed on and offline. Of particular note is the removal of a picture from Instagram when a woman’s nipples are on show. A man can show his chest, and it’s okay. But if a woman does this, it is removed from Instagram.
Her body becomes overly sexualised and an object of consumption – sexual consumption that is not allowed – causing society to learn a woman’s chest is a sexual object attached to another object. Therefore, this removal embeds itself into women’s minds that showing their anatomy is not okay and is a sexualised act. Does this then reflect on how women see themselves? As non-sexual beings who feel unable to express themselves in a sexual light?
LELO is helping pave the way
We need to break this societal construct of how women are viewed. We are sexual and should not be ashamed to admit we enjoy sex and masturbation. Brands such as LELO are helping pave the way with this. Their sex toys can be used alone, for those just starting on their sexual journey or for those who are more experienced. You can even enjoy a new experience with a partner. The endless options allow women to explore their sexuality and not feel ashamed.
To ensure their commitment to women exploring their sexuality, LELO’s toys are elegant, sending out the message that masturbation is positive, and pleasure objects can be beautiful and worth showing on display. This can be seen in LELO’s ENIGMA™. The dual vibrator resonates deep within your body while simultaneously stimulating the g spot and clitoris, making endless orgasms inevitable.
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Written by Megan Phillips
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
