When you think of university, you think of late-night partying, meeting strangers in the kebab queue at 3am and making friends for life. But, no one tells you about love at university and how existing long-term relationships can actually work.
From sixth-form sweethearts to being by my side leading up to graduation, my experience of studying in love can show that despite what others say, ending that summer fling is not always the answer.
The first few months
Leaving for university after an amazing summer spent with family and friends can be hard, especially if you’ve got a partner back home. Moving away exposes you to a new everything. New routine, new surroundings, new faces – so it can be difficult to juggle a love back home. Well, that’s what I found. I had been with my boyfriend for nine months before I moved away to study. We had gaged how each other worked so built a lot of trust and care for one another, allowing the move to be easier. Obviously, nine months is not an extensive amount of time to guess how a relationship will cope with distance and new priorities, but I was willing to see it through.
Being away from my closest was something I definitely had to adjust to. If I’m completely honest, the whole new life I was about to encounter away from home was extremely overwhelming. There were numerous times I just wanted to run back and be with my boyfriend. But I knew I had to really embrace this new independent experience, which shows in who I am today. University relationships differ from person to person. However, for me, the first few months allowed both my boyfriend and I to grow as individuals whilst still being each other’s support system.
The struggles of love at university
Being in a long-term relationship at university isn’t easy. With weekly FaceTime calls and messages as a form of intimacy, it can be almost frustrating. Being exposed to so many more people you wouldn’t have come across before – both platonically and romantically – can sometimes make you doubt what you have at home. This is only natural and it is not something to beat yourself up about. However, it’s how you act on these emotions that are most telling about your relationship.
Whilst you are consumed in your studies, have deadlines to keep up with and submissions at every corner, it can also be very easy to neglect your relationship. Again, this is not intentional and is something that can be easily fixed. As a relationship grows, so do you as an individual and with that comes maturity. This is what allows both parties to accept the unintentional neglect that may occur between you. Communication is a key part of a university relationship’s success because who wants to be pursuing a connection back home when there has been silence for weeks? Making plans to look forward to is essential so also ensure to set those dates to put in the calendar.
Growing apart is a worry surrounding relationships that were already there before university. In a place where you are left to embrace independence, figure out who you are and experience life as an adult, it can make you feel different from when you left your hometown – and from that special someone. So again, communication is a necessity here.
Reflection from experience
As someone who is concluding their university experience and graduating in a matter of weeks, I can definitely say love at university in existing long-term relationships can certainly work. After all, they do say distance makes the heart grow fonder! Looking back at those three years, most of the difficulties we encountered were earlier on. As you adapt and work out what best suits you, the strength of your relationship shouldn’t be doubted
Love at university – you have to give yourself some credit for it. It’s hard. Keeping up a relationship whilst you juggle your studies, part-time jobs and socialising, all whilst looking after yourself – is not easy! But if you’re both giving it your all, your relationship can withstand it.
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Written by Charlotte Ashley
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
