Being in love is one of the most beautiful things we as humans can endure. From blushing at your phone when you send the first text to the butterflies you get in the taxi on the way to your 20th date. But finding that person that makes you feel on top of the world can also make you forget about your independence.
At an age where everyone seeks to spend time with their partner, it only makes the sense of independence harder to obtain; so how do we not lose sight of ourselves and keep independence in relationships?
The consumption of being in love
Love is the most addictive emotion we can experience. Finding connections with people makes us feel alive – our heart racing, blood pressure pumping and the contagious grin appearing from corner to corner of our lips. However, take it back to the beginning where it all starts; the glimpse of what’s to come leaves us desperate for more.
Most people become consumed in a ‘love bubble’ when they first form a connection with their partner. Telling friends and family about the potential person that’s coming over for dinner is exciting. Gaining a best friend alongside a romantic relationship is what everyone dreams of. The cherished moments that you can share with your partner are one of the many pieces that keep the love intact. However, constantly spending time together can be the reason you become dependent on your partner.
Why self-care is essential when giving yourself to another human
Being in a committed relationship sometimes leaves little room for alone time. The phrase “you need to love yourself before you can love someone else” also runs throughout relationships. How can you be the best for your partner without giving yourself the self-care that you deserve?
Even in a ‘healthy’ relationship, it is so easy to forget to put yourself first. All the love and care we carry is shifted onto our partner, even if your partner isn’t stopping you from having that independence. We still feel inclined to want to be by their side – the feeling is just too intoxicating.
For a successful long-term relationship to work, taking time for yourself is key. After weeks, months and even years of being so consumed with another being you’re bound to feel lost. So it’s essential to do everything to prevent this feeling from occurring before it is too late. Let that be a solo drive to the nearest Starbucks, a refreshing run with music blasting through your veins or a relaxing bath with candles lit in every corner.
Independence in relationships can be so empowering, to enjoy time alone and then having your partner waiting at home for you just makes the heart grow fonder. Your partner doesn’t have to be neglected for you to look after yourself, time set aside per week is more than enough to keep your self-care in order.
As rewarding as the emotion of love is, relationships can come and go and at the end of it all, we only have ourselves. Therefore, the relationship with ourselves is the one to pamper before pampering a connection with another.
How to enhance your independence in relationships
It can be hard to establish the things that fulfil you away from your partner. If you strip back to your interests and hobbies, the self-care can start there. Even if nothing comes to mind, here are three simple ideas that could help your independence.
1. Take a relaxing bath
With a book in hand, sink into a bath full of scented bubbles and white cotton candles burning in each corner of the room. What doesn’t sound appealing about that? This alone can help rejuvenate the skin, mind and soul so you can come back into the presence of your partner feeling more refreshed than ever.
2. Have a solo movie night
When we think of movie nights, we think of being cuddled up with a partner but you can still do it alone! Choosing what films to watch – even those you’ve watched 1,000 times over – without someone hiding the remote because it doesn’t appeal to them. Binging that series that you’ve had no time to watch? This is the perfect opportunity to indulge!
3. Go on a shopping spree
We can all agree that taking your partner around the shops with you can be painful. Complaining about how hot the shops are, how long you’re taking and the constant “I’m hungry” is not fun. So, put on your best outfit, grab your credit card and go for it solo!
Remember, giving yourself a pamper once in a while and having that independence in your relationship is something to cherish as much as the love in your own romantic relationship. Self-care wins always.
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Written by Charlotte Ashley
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
