Sigh, it’s cold and dark outside, and there’s not much to do because no one wants to be out in this weather. Your friends aren’t interested in going out for drinks or hitting the club because it’s just. Too. Damn. Cold. Everyone’s staying in and it’s no secret that it’s here either – cuffing season.
The Urban Dictionary defines ‘cuffing season’ as ‘during the fall and winter months, people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves, along with the rest of the world, desiring to be ‘cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed’.
Let’s face it, what better way to spend the winter than wrapped up in someones’ arms watching Netflix or not… It’s natural to feel this way around this time of year as it’s the perfect concoction for those in relationships. But what about those of us who aren’t? Well, if you’re the latter and struggling, let’s discuss how to cope during cuffing season.
1. Don’t compare yourself to other people
Don’t compare your situation to others! We’ve probably all heard that comparison is the thief of joy and it’s so true! You could be minding your business and happen to be scrolling through Instagram, when you see a cute couple at Winter Wonderland. Now suddenly, you’re desperate to be cuffed.
However, it doesn’t just stop with social media. You could be comparing yourself to friends, family or even strangers passing you on the street. But you have to remember that the only thing comparison will accomplish is bringing your mood down.
You may have a friend that always flaunts their relationship. This is toxic as your friend is obviously aware that you’re single. Even though they might not know that you want to be in a relationship, this behaviour displays a lack of emotional intelligence as they’re not considering how you feel.
Learn how to remove yourself from situations that lead to comparison. If you have a friend like this, communicate that you’re happy for them but the constant inclusion of their relationship in your conversations is draining and you’d like to spend more time discussing your individual lives.
As for social media, minimise the relationship content you see by ensuring you’re not spending too much time on apps or following certain people. Bear in mind that people are just showing you snapshots of their happiest moments and that not every relationship is what it seems. A lot of people are either settling or unhappy so don’t compare yourself to everyone else.
2. Know the difference between feeling lonely and being single
Loneliness isn’t the nicest feeling but there’s a difference between feeling lonely and being single. Saying this, you should really establish which of the two you are. The romantic atmosphere around cuffing season creates an illusion of loneliness. In reality, you’re single but confusing this with feeling alone.
But for those who do actually feel lonely, what you shouldn’t do in this situation is resort to hitting up that ‘person’. It could be an ex or someone who just isn’t good for you. You may just crave casual sex and, by all means, have fun but establish your reasons first. Does this ex deserve a second chance? Is this more than just a distraction? Will this be good for me in the long-term, not just the colder months?
Engaging in a previously toxic relationship because you want to be cuffed won’t do you any good. They’re an ex for a reason, period. (Check out our best ways to get over a breakup). Instead, surround yourself with a good support network to spend time with. Or, if you don’t have much friends or none are matching your energy, treat yourself indoors or take yourself out! It seems taboo to go to the cinema or a restaurant alone, however, it’s really a form of self-love. So instead of settling for someone not worth your time, learn to love yourself.
3. Embrace ‘single season’
‘Single season’ is the opposite of cuffing season. It’s defined as when ‘people don’t want to get into a relationship and mostly focus on bettering themselves in education, gym, etc’. Instead of dwelling on the fact that you’re single, try to think of ways you can utilise this time for self-improvement! Think of something that you’ve been meaning to do but have been putting off. Make an action plan to achieve it. This is a great way of improving your confidence and utilising your singleness.
I feel like sometimes we underestimate the time and energy needed to establish a healthy relationship. Once you take that into consideration, you’ll realise how important it is to make sure you’re whole before including another person in your life. Learn to love your own company and you’ll eventually manifest the right partner.
Finally, whatever you’re doing to keep yourself busy, make sure it’s a healthy distraction. Focus on all the things that make you happy. Don’t compare yourself and don’t settle. You’re single for a reason and this is just a season!
Find more relationship articles here >
Written by Ruka Akorede
Illustrated by Francesca Mariama
